The last week was a humdinger, I wrote in my journaling email, one of our assignments in teacher training. It was. H was teething his molars, he woke up every two hours and was inconsolable most nights. If I learned anything from the newborn era, it’s that I do not function well without sleep! I cry, I cannot think, everything is hard! I arrived to training on Thursday in a daze to discover we were going over anatomy. Not only did I not have my book, I had failed to do the reading. I searched for it furiously the next day. It was gone.
And my lip allergy came back with a vengeance. I definitely believe lack of sleep and stress activates it. My lips burned and itched without relief. I had to dig out the steroid ointment I had been prescribed almost a year ago. H slept till 1pm on Saturday night. I woke up feeling like I could start my day right then, that’s how rested I felt after just 5 hours of sleep.
Before this sleep we meditated for a half hour that morning. My thoughts weren’t all of the to-do lists type of thoughts like I usually struggle with. It was all about beating myself up. I went into childs pose after it was over and our teacher announced we had 40 minutes until we started back up. The fact that I had not accounted for this free time, as in I didn’t know what to-do task to finish felt maddening. I was tired and wound up way to tight. The tears were right there, but I held them back.
This dude in rehab years ago used to say, don’t be a vic. His little slang word for victim. I was struggling, I knew I would come out of it eventually, I knew in the long run my brain would work and I would sleep eventually. But in the meantime..? Was it okay to say and admit that I was struggling? Someone shared last night about the same thing with completely different circumstances. If I had not just gone through it, I wonder if I would have felt that she shared too long, or without any solution? Being a mom in sobriety has given me a whole new perspective on judging others. You don’t know until you know.
Oh Sunday, day after sleep, how much I loved you (until around 4, let’s be honest, I was ready to go home). We worked on inversions, alignment, and verbal cues. I did manage to remember one thing from anatomy, look at what’s going on beneath the skin. I brought up some knee pain, our teacher had me stand in tadasana and reworked my posture from the ground up. Later we were practicing cues and I was in a seated pose. I had always thought my bad posture was in my upper back. Again my teacher cued me to straighten at my waist. Posture solved. In practice I am constantly trying to line everything up according to what I just learned about my body, my bones. The first thing to look at when teaching someone how to do a pose? Alignment. I could easily benefit from more training after this one. We are just scraping the surface here.
On Monday during meditation at home, I did allow myself to cry and release all the angst from the former week. We did a lot of hip work in class, too. I’ve yet to really explore the correlation between emotions and hips, but I know I’ve heard for years that they are connected.
Pictures from the last weekend during training at Three Sisters Yoga, on my to-do list and crossed off:
My days off have been great. I’ve been resting and focusing upon H and homework. The last week has taught me to let go more. To judge others and myself a little less. To be more balanced. To be lined up.