I’ve recently been having a complicated relationship with social media. Me, who quit Facebook back in 2012. Me, who keeps a private Instagram, my only social media account. I am now the proud facilitator of three Instagram accounts, two Pinterests, one Twitter, and four Facebook accounts. These include work accounts that I regularly (except Twitter which gets ignored quite often!) post on.
What..is..going..on… That’s what I would like to know. How did I get to the place of checking each page, logging out under one password to log back in with another, and obsessing over ways to plug, plug, plug. I am not some type of marketer. Most of the social media I’ve begun, I am not getting paid for. So why am I doing it?
Because it makes me feel good.
And not in the watching Netflix all night while eating ice cream kind of way (although that is a well spent night in my opinion). It makes me feel good to be doing stuff for others. I haven’t had a sponsee since I moved here, so the moms group I started and the free yoga I’m about to start is giving me a deep feeling of usefulness in this world. I am not advancing my career or able to buy a house, but I do feel pretty darn good about where I fit into the world right now.
Social media can be weird, it’s a lot of stimulation. I hope it evens out over time. I keep racking my brain about who else I can ask to plug my free yoga. I keep emailing people. My thoughts run in threes most of the time. Thinking three things at once is too much. I’ve also been teetering between ignoring the fact that I will be teaching yoga on a weekly basis, to being overwhelming scared of it. This Thursday. What if no one shows up? This is my fear. I have to remember I’ve done the footwork. It’s up to the universe what happens next. I’m glad I began the Mama Bear Group first. No one showed up on my first try. Last week and the week before, four besides me showed. That was enough. If that many show up for yoga, I will be fine. In two weeks it moves from Thursdays to Saturdays as well. This will help. I am obsessing about it. Thank goodness for meditation and yoga. This has been calming my anxiety about teaching.
Something crazy happened at work. I was hungry and trying to be patient for the lunch our office was going to at a local restaurant. Somewhere between sitting down and ordering I had that ancient feeling of being high, I realized that my blood sugar must have just plummeted. I zipped my lip, I know when I get loopy like that it’s best not to talk. I did my best to act as if, I nodded a bunch and inserted half words here and there. As it usually happens the topic of conversation got turned towards alcohol, like what they were going to drink, how much, and how they didn’t like it when they drank too much. Suddenly one of my co-workers turned to me and said, you don’t really drink do you Liz? And what did I say? What could I have said? I can tell you now. I could have just said, no! I fully blame the low blood sugar, there was zilch of pausing and praying, I blurted, actually I’m in AA, I’ve been sober for about 7 years. Luckily no food had been served yet to them, their mouths plummeted open. I immediately thought, what did you just say! You’ve worked with them for a year and not a peep! Why now? I certainly didn’t feel like it was necessary. Necessary is if someone needs help. I will share anything in that case.
It may come back to bite me later, but the strangest thing happened. I felt a softness from them. And then they got vulnerable and started telling me their stories as relates to alcohol. The food came, we ate, my brain was restored. They asked for more details, it’s never hard for me to convince someone I should not drink. All I have to do is tell them one story of what it was like. It was not pretty. Again, I don’t know if this will be a good thing in the long run, but it just happened. It’s like letting my son eat on his own or paint. Jam and colors everywhere, life gets messy sometimes. I’m not perfect, and I gotta roll with it. It was actually funny to me that it happened.
Here is the yoga flier I made:
I went to the Wilsonville Art Festival last Sunday. The student art blew me away, very impressive. H and I had fun, looking at art, playing on the play structure, and eating ice cream. Being a mom is the coolest thing ever sometimes. Other pics are from the area surrounding the meeting I love on Wednesdays. Two weeks ago I drove around after the meeting so I could just pray. I was taken aback by how serene it was. I love that I live in a place where I can just drive and find so much beauty only 5 minutes away.
Life is all a lot right now and very beautiful if that in any way makes sense. It is full and good. I am so grateful to be in a position to give to others. I really hope that I can help. My teacher Jen would say, do your best and don’t get attached to the fruits of your labor.
If you think of it please send me good vibes these next months to the tune of teaching yoga well. I’m at the cliff, I’m stepping off!