Not sure if I will be doing two part posts again, so much seems to happen between one and the other, especially since I interrupted them! But more Sooke pics because Sooke is rad. See below.
I’ve been having a hard time at work. Again. I’ve been in the same industry for 10+ years and I seriously can’t understand how it’s been so long. I’ve never felt like it suited who I am. Now, I am sure that it doesn’t. For so long I’ve felt like if I just do this…it will work out. Today I feel convinced that no, it won’t work out. I will always be square peg trying to bang myself into a round hole at work. I do not fit there.
But one must eat too, and one’s child must eat first. I have been talking with my sponsor about different options and need to speak about it with my parents. I’ve been looking at yoga jobs. It would be better to have a job before I quit, but I’m not sure if that will happen. I have never in my life quit a job without having another one lined up. Actually I may have, but it’s been a very long time.
I picked that quote to put in the title on my blog because I feel like such a big theme of my life, my job, and my income directly correlates with who I am as a person. I taught yoga again today and still don’t feel like I’m in the best mental space. One thing that cancels out any negativity is my huge desire to help someone learn how to do yoga and love it. I’m so grateful for the opportunity to teach for free once a week. It’s teaching me so much about how to be a teacher.
I went to a meeting after a week or so of not going to one and got called on to share. My share was a hot mess. I wish I could have been more spiritual. I wish I could have shared more about all that is happening. But what came out, came out. I had a bunch of people come up after me and really ask me about myself and my life. That felt really good. This is why I love AA. I felt stupid after that share, but like they used to say in Long Beach, worry about saving your ass, not your face. I’m planning on a bunch of meetings this week and that will be very good for me. I’ve been having resentments creep in and have been not wanting to get rid of them. Dangerous for an alcoholic. Whatever someone else does is not a reason for me to get drunk.
See more of Sooke>>>
Above: the spirit bear. I got to attend the farmers market in Sooke, it was awesome. Getting on the ferry at 6am was not fun, but it made for some very pretty early morning light. Back to Port Angeles and US soil. I was day dreaming and taking pictures with H in the carrier. When we docked, we scurried down below and everyone was already in their cars! I even made the car behind me wait (for like 2 minutes) while I buckled H in. Really, I guess I don’t mix well with ferries. It’s the vata in me. Head in the clouds.
Back to the job thing, is it possible that I may just have to take the plunge and make a decision on faith? Everything AA has taught me says no. But AA has also taught me to believe in myself, set boundaries, and realize my worth.
I will pray. We will see…
So much peace and love to you all.