OF DREAMS & SUCH

I posted the above on the social medias last week.  For a while I’ve felt like my dreams have been growing and flourishing, no pestilence to disturb.

I’ve noticed throughout my sobriety that a funk or dark mood can be kickstarted by just one tiny thought.  I may try to ignore it but the thought or idea won’t go away.  

My friend from teacher training asked if I wanted to go to Portland to go to a studio.  I was psyched.  Now that I have a home practice down, I haven’t felt the need to go to any classes.  I didn’t realize how much I was counting on it till I hit a wall of traffic on the freeway.  I stayed on for a good while but it was just creeping at an inch’s pace, L.A. style.  I called my friend and told her I couldn’t make it.  I was devastated.

I ended up on the back roads by Lake Oswego sobbing.  As much as I preach about support, showing weakness, and having problems, I still try to act S T R O N G all the time.  I called my sponsor and left her a message.  My parents were very sweet and suggested other things.  I hit a wall though, I just stayed home.  

And later I felt better.  That thought had been dealt with.  The black fog lifted.  I had been making too high of expectations for myself, I was not accepting life on life’s terms.  I’m back on the beam now.  I’ve been going to a lot of meetings and spending more time with my sponsor.

I just love to dream.  I’m a dreamer and always have been.  It’s always good for me to stay anchored as well.

I may have an opportunity to do an apprenticeship at a studio.  I had applied and the owner said she only considers if someone has been teaching for at least a year.  I knew when teacher training was just a sparkle in my eye that a job wouldn’t be offered to me on a silver platter.  As long as I can balance it with everything else in my life, I want to do the apprenticeship. 

Pics of Memorial Park here in Wilsonville.  There are great hiking trails right on the river:

I tried to get H to play on the playground but he insisted on being obsessed with the bball & court.

And peach pick’in.  Fruit picking is a huge deal here, it’s pretty awesome to pick something and then go home and make something out of it.

So my dreams will no doubt morph into other dreams.  Some will come true and some won’t.  As long as I use the tools that have given me peace and hope thus far, I will be alright.

Sweetest dreams to you all &

~Namaste.