I began my apprenticeship with a local studio which included a 30 minute audition. I was a fan of just getting a yoga gig and running with it, but this apprenticeship has been the bee’s knees so far. Don’t know the difference between something? Ask a yoga teacher. Confused about sequencing? Ask a yoga teacher. Wondering how to teach different levels at the same time? You guessed it. Ask a yoga teacher. I also get to go to all of my mentor’s classes which is awesome because why? I love yoga. I still do. There are many, many things in my life that I’ve started and stopped, but 10 years later yoga isn’t one of them. I’m sure someday I will get disillusioned by it, or need a bit of a break. Before I walked into one of the sessions last week my head said to me, go hard. What’s that about, I’m not some type of pro athlete and I’m pretty sure I would have formally made fun of someone who uttered that statement. I just want to put in the work it takes to become a yoga teacher. I guess you could say I’m motivated.
But of course fears and doubts still plague me. What ifs pop up in abundance in my mind at different times. The baby weight is still abundant in spots (when do I have to just call it plain old weight again?). I have moments of blank sheer panic when I’m teaching. That statement my master teacher so timefully shared during training rings my ears raw, I’m enough. I wonder. Am I?
The mentor teachers have been fabulous. I come to them with all of my questions and concerns. They return with deep compassion. So, so far good. Hard but good, of course they only way something is when it’s worth trying for. I taught free yoga yesterday and already see a huge difference in where my focus is. I made mistakes and they felt a little softer too. I’m silently verbalizing sequences in my head constantly while driving, or while falling asleep at night. I’m to teach the last 5 minutes of a class (an actual class!) tomorrow. Baby steps. It wasn’t long ago that I mentioned a great fear of auditioning at an actual studio. Fears are meant to be walked (or crawled) through.
See pics of rain, early morning putzing, and apple picking above. One of my friend’s had a whole bucket of apples (while taking care of a newborn!) by the time I had just a couple. And yay, more RAIN. Another week of apprenticing, mothering, and putzing lays ahead of me. I wish you all an abundant and peaceful week.
~Love & namaste.