SET BACK FOR A COME BACK

A sickness swept over H & I this past week and I struggled with the idea of SLOWING DOWN.  I did not want to slow down.  Didn’t the universe know I had already emailed out my yoga apprentice schedule for the week?  I had to cancel.  I didn’t want to spread germs all over the studio since I touch the computer mouse and clean up after class.

So H & I holed up and stayed in which drove us stir crazy after a couple of days so when the worst of the sickness was over we hightailed it to a pumpkin patch (see below).  Hardly anyone was there so it was super low maintenance to watch him.  We came across some chicks which he thought was amazing.

My last free yoga class was yesterday.  I was inspired by my main mentor teacher about writing a new sequence.  I’ve been just adding and subtracting to the same basic one all summer.  Which is fine, especially with people who are new to yoga.  I gave myself a couple days of rest and then started rehearsing it a couple days before.  It was awesome to go into the last class with a new class and feel pretty confident about it.  I will maybe do a pop-up outdoor class in October if the weather is nice enough.  I still haven’t heard back from the indoor space lead I had though I had.  Part of me wants to focus on the apprenticeship and the other part of me wants to keep trying for free indoor yoga through the Winter.  I’m on the fence.

AND I’m over half way in working through the 9th step (insert favored curse word here).  Ack, the steps have been digging deep this time around.  Lots of OLD stuff has been coming up and I’ve done writing over it.  I had been resistant to do this work.  Work it is, and there’s a reason why people relapse, die, or don’t stay sober.  Doing step work is spiritually, mentally, and even physically taxing.  It’s necessary to stay sober.  Everyone’s definition of this type of work is different.  Some days just not drinking is the work.  Or it’s hitting meetings.  And times like these for me it’s getting into all of the yucky stuff that I’d rather not deal with.  I know that this work is a lot like letting my body recover during a sickness.  Broken down to be built back up.  A set back for a come back.

It all came to a head when I pulled into a gas station last week.  There were lines for all of the pumps and I swear the car in front of me was abandoned.  I waited for like 2 hours (2 minutes?) and pulled up into a different space.  Ma’am, you can’t be facing that way, the attendant said.  I saw another space and reversed.  A mini van swooped in before I could make it.  I left frustrated.  As I cleared the station tears erupted.  I cried for a good 15 minutes.  I guess my soul needed some shining.

Because I was taking it easy during my at home yoga sessions, I spent more time in meditation.  I’ve dropped mantras for now and have tapped into listening to music (mostly Guru Singh).  It’s taken me to a good place.  I find myself hesitant to stop meditation, whereas usually I am eager to begin the physical practice.  I find that I want to dwell in that peaceful melodic space more and more.  I’m happy about this new trend and I hope it continues.

Feeling nostalgic this time of year for the baby that H once was:

The holidays approach.  This is my favorite time of year.  I am ready for the C O L D, Halloween, Thanksgiving, & Christmas.  Some people get depressed when it’s cloudy.  I’m the opposite, I get depressed when it’s always sunny.  Looking forward to this Fall and Winter and also wanting to live in the moment.

Happy Fall to you all.  May you live in the LIGHT.

Peace & namaste~