THE RAW TRUTH & A JOB

I’ve chaired two meetings in the last week.  I signed up for one because I was approaching 7 and a half years and the other because the secretary kept passing around the sign up sheet and there were a lot of gaps.  Noticing when I have another half year of sobriety under my belt is just as important to me to acknowledge when I have another year.  And leading/chairing meetings always puts me smack dab in the center of things.  Sharing itself always softens my heart and makes me way less judgmental when listening to other people share.  Also, I noticed a while back that when I get called on to share I stare directly at the leader almost the whole time.  Chances are if you lead a meeting a whole bunch of people are going to be looking you in the eye the WHOLE time.  It’s a bit overwhelming and just try not to be engaged in that!  Something happens when two people lock eyes.  It is the genuine spirit of oneness and true love in my opinion.  I love true love that’s not associated with having a crush or lust, but just being a part of.  Two humans connecting and not getting hung up on race, gender, or discrimination of any kind.  It’s a beautiful thing!

I just finished reading this post and it made me get all reflective about my honesty during my shares.  I prayed and prepared a bunch before the first one and have to say it was pretty damn honest.  The second I prayed but didn’t prepare and it was a bit too honest if that’s possible.  In this part of Oregon people tend to share generally more than getting into the sticky and dark details.  I have usually shared the detailed stuff since I got sober in CA so it was a bit hard to get used to when I moved here.  I can say I see more of the benefits of sharing in a general way.  It’s more mature and it gets the point across without getting into the gossip.  When you share at a meeting there is the understanding that what you say won’t be repeated, hello the word Anonymous is the the title of the group.  I think that sharing at a group level in a general way more protects who you are than being worried someone will judge you or gossip about you.  You have a sponsor and close friends to tell all the sordid stuff too anyways.

BUT, I will tell you one thing that cancels all the above out.  I always get so much out of a really raw share.  This is the truth for me.  So when I opened my mouth up at the meeting to chair, a bunch of kind of embarrassing stuff came out.  It wasn’t too detailed, just general statements about my low spots in sobriety in the past.  The theme was obviously low spots and emotional sobriety.  I hardly got into any solution in my share.  It turned out well, I got to hear more of other people’s solution.  And if I want to get really honest, is my point in sharing to look good or be honest?  Uh.  That’s a hard one.  I know that I’m not there to run a campaign.  I’m there to be honest and stay sober.  Sometimes that looks ugly and precarious.  But I think I have more of a chance of staying sober.  I think praying about what to share and focusing on your own experience, strength, and hope works too.  And focusing on helping newcomers and others too.  If you are honest chances are that will happen anyways.

In yoga news, I got a gig!  I’ll be teaching Tuesdays (4:30pm & 6pm) and Thursdays (4:30pm) at Brave Heart Pilates & Yoga in Milwaukie which is in South Portland.  I’m going to try to work on getting a schedule posted up on here and on Facebook.  I’m obviously very excited to finally be able to have regular classes which I will teach!  I’m hoping to teach at other studios eventually too.  One day/step/yoga job at a time.  Baby steps.

I have to say that after living in the city for so long it felt good to drive back home here to Wilsonville after my yoga audition.  I feel suffocated in the city.  That may change again, I used to love living in the city.  Pics below from a fruit show out in Canby.  My family is still off sugar so we found the next best thing, ha.  H loved sampling the pears and apples and of course running around.

I’m going back to Milwaukie before I start teaching to pick up a key.  A key to an actual yoga studio!  I recently reconnected with an old friend and we were talking about how when you have struggled in life you really are appreciative and grateful for opportunities.  I’m not sure if people who haven’t had to struggle feel the same way.  I’m so grateful for a chance to teach yoga.

I wish all of you out there the same feeling and much love as well.

Xo & namaste~