I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how much I love to isolate and be alone, but also how much I need people.  I need to be loved.  I need to love others.  Before I got sober I thought about living out the last of my days in a cave while under the influence of some substance, it didn’t matter what.  At that time this scenario felt really close to happening, too close.  It sounded like a good thing at the time, like I actually fantasized about it!  I’m overwhelmed by sadness for that girl, the person I used to be, and the box I put myself in.

It’s a far cry from that today.  I have a host of friends.  It’s also important for me to make the point that I don’t have to be all things to everyone.  AND people don’t have to be all things to me either!  I’m trying to find a place where I can be okay if someone doesn’t ‘like’ me and just nourish the relationships that are doing well.  I read this today:


We have not once sought to be one in a family, to be a friend among friends, to be a worker among workers, to be a useful member of society.  Always we tried to struggle to the top of the heap, or to hide underneath it.  This self-centered behavior blocked a partnership relation with any one of those about us.  Of true brotherhood we had small comprehension.  ~Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions p. 53

This message contained in Step Four was the first one I heard loud and clear; I hadn’t seen myself in print before!  Prior to my coming into A.A., I knew of no place that could teach me how to become a person among persons.  From my very first meeting I saw people doing just that and I wanted what they had.  One of the reasons that I’m a happy, sober alcoholic today is that I’m learning this most important lesson. ~Daily Reflections 4/5

It was so strange that I came across this message today as this is right where I am mentally.  Or not so strange, however you see it.  I’m headed out to Long Beach this weekend and I really want to focus on going with the flow (which doesn’t always come naturally to me) and just focusing on the beauty and joy that happens with the friends I see.  I shared last Sunday at a meeting how it will be weird sitting in a Long Beach meeting and how I will probably miss Oregon meetings!  That is truly a break through for me as it was really hard to let go of Long Beach AA as being the right, or “real” AA.  AA is AA no matter where you go, but I know what it means to go through having to rebuild your cohort of sober folks in another place.  It’s hard.  I get that.

In yoga news, I went to an audition last week.  Yoga interviews are such a far cry from the more corporate and customer service interviews I was so used to.  First of all, it’s somehow allowable to wear a tank top and yoga pants.  Second, everyone is always very laid back.  Small talk always flows easy.  What is hard is getting over the jitters of giving a half hour class to yoga pros.  Ack.  Nerves.  I felt pretty good about it though and it will be what it will be.  I’m headed to an aqua (!?) yoga class tomorrow to learn/train/observe at the aquatic center where I teach (dry land yoga).  The teacher needs a sub!  Sometimes you can’t make this stuff up.  An open door type scenario possibly..?

Pictures of Easter egg hunt & Spring seed planting:







We’ve had a string of sunny days & I’ve done very well with them.  I actually was kind of sad when the rain came back, H & I already getting into a little routine of going in the back yard in the morning.  So 2016 intention going well so far.  It’s pretty easy to be happy in 70-ish degrees I guess.

Sending all of you good vibes & see you on the other side of Long Beach.




Published by Liz Brower

I've practiced yoga since 2006, I stumbled into a class at my local gym. I didn't really "get" yoga, I wanted to do all of the poses to the max, I didn't focus on breathing, and I was very competitive. A year later I quit smoking and my mom purchased a three month unlimited to a local studio. I fell in love with yoga! Plus the metaphor was strong, my lungs began to repair, I could take really deep inhales without coughing! I later began to go to a free outdoor yoga classes in downtown Long Beach, CA that was also affiliated with a donation based studio. Yoga was fun, affordable, accessible, and outside! I loved it. I started practicing at home by myself. I started meditating. Right after I found the classes at the gym stopped drinking alchohol. My sobriety and yoga have intertwined ever since. They compliment each other amazingly and I am so grateful for them both. I stopped practicing yoga after getting pregnant and being caught up with the taking care of a newborn in 2013/2014. When he was 9 months old I realized that I really wanted to redirect myself back to yoga. I also had the seed planted in my mind while driving home from Christmas break, why don't you go do a yoga teacher training?! I started practicing yoga at a local studio and began scouring the internet for a teacher training program. I found Three Sisters Yoga, a lovely program, based out of NY & PDX. I was more than motivated to teach, I started teaching some free yoga in the summer of 2015 at a local park. I continued after that with an internship at the same studio I had signed back up with at the beginning of the year. I quit my day job. I hit the pavement, scouring for yoga gigs that would hire a newbie. I found a job and began to teach! Now I am navigating the great balance of being a single mom, a yoga teacher, and doing my best to trust my higher power with my future. I love to teach and practice vinyasa, but also know what it's like to be drawn to slower types of yoga due to injury or body type. I feel a special affinity for yoga new comers and like to teach practice at all different levels. Thank you for taking time to read a little more about me and I wish all of you the best in your own individual yoga practice. ~Namaste!

2 thoughts on “HUMANHOOD

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