SHARP & IN FOCUS

I’ve been slacking on the blogging lately, I had these tulip fest pics stored for weeks now.

As far as the tulips go, oooh boy, isn’t it just nice to get out of the house sometimes, any other mamas out there hear me?  Especially when you can find something that interests both kid(s) and mom, it’s a gosh-danged miracle.

Winter has melded into Spring here in Oregon.  We still get chilly mornings and evenings, but it’s necessary to discard sweatshirts when standing in the sun.  Clouds ever racing and changing overhead, dark as earl gray tea one moment and a kaleidoscope of starburst color the next.  Oregon weather still has it’s knack to continuously take my breath away.

H has turned into a sleeping machine, 2-3 hour naps and sleeping through the night.  He’s had many mornings of waking up past 7am, a happenstance I was sure I would never see.

Along with additional sleep I have felt myself challenged with different spiritual things.  I find it hard to fall asleep at night at times (now that I’m not overly exhausted), my head whirring with worries.  I find myself teaching and saying many things as I teach yoga that I should probably be doing myself.

My meditation game is gone.  After teacher training I was meditating for 10 minutes every day, saying mantra, and I was feeling great.  So I recently recommitted myself to meditating more often.  I found a great portal here.  I made it a point to not try to over do it, but just set the goal of meditating once a week in addition to the weekly group meditation I attend.  I’m taking baby steps and I’m telling myself good job when I follow through.

 

During meditation today I wrote this poem:

FEARS:  Alone.  Cast out.  Knocking on doors, no one answers.  Will you come see me?  Can you tell me everything will be okay?  Touch my cheek & hand?  Look into my eyes?

It’s so strange that the things you think are bothering you never really are when you begin to dig deep down below the surface.  Uh, those icky, ghosty fears, even though you know that:

Fear is just a state of mind, not fact.

I had been feeling real faith in my HP lately.  When I was young I heard people say faith and I wondered at their clarity of belief in it, it seems like a flimsy thing, like you have this false feeling even trying to believe in it.  But then you experience the other side of faith, hoping and believing and then the universe proves it true in your very deep being.  It doesn’t feel fake anymore.  It feels gloriously solid.  And real.  And substantial.  Like you just know that you know that you know.

And then you get scared again.

I guess it’s just a cycle, a lot like life and Winter and Spring.  Deep down I know what is true.  In my head?  Not so much.  So in the meantime I’ll just wait and see.  And pray and hopefully call my sponsor like I shared in the meeting that I went to last night.

Wishing/Vibing that all of you out there connect with what you know is to be true.  That false things fall by the wayside and you faith grows into real golden substance.

~Namaste.