As Christmas day approaches I feel increasingly grateful. The latter part of 2016 has been tough. Things haven’t gone as planned & my expectations of people, places, & things have been skewed & off the mark to say the least. I feel all that still, but I also am having moments of real contentment. Almost like I’m in a moveable snapshot as an active participant, but also able to look in from the outside with appreciation & stillness.
My son has started spouting off measurements of time, 2 seconds Mama! Mama, I look for backhoe ALL NIGHT! He says the all night thing a lot which I find funny because he’s comatose all night, although according to him LOTS of things are happening all night. All night! Ten more minutes Mama!
Even funnier I asked my parents to return a Red Box movie since they were headed out that direction. I kept trying to shove the movie in, my mom said. It wouldn’t take it! We walked to the other one because we thought that one was broken! Finally we asked someone & they told us to push return. It slid right in! My mom has an Iphone & compared too most her age is very tech savvy. But I still found this story hilarious (it’s funnier when hearing them tell it too, of course). How different my son will be from both generations as he already knows how to manipulate screens all by himself at 2.
I got the job at the new spot! I’m both excited & nervous as I know it will stretch & hone my teaching skills. It’s gentle so I have to slow everything down. That big chunk of vinyasa during class is my foundation, when it’s removed what will be left? Will I still be able to be me? I have a lot of fear & wondering if I can do it. I’ve been carrying my book (full of lessons) everywhere & have been obsessing over it. Last night as I was falling asleep I realized I was trying to come up with verbal cues about poses without even consciously realizing that I was doing it. Is that possible? Unconscious yoga teaching in your head while (mostly) awake?! It’s kind of like over studying for a test. It’s time to put the book down & take a long walk/bath.
We leave in a about a week for San Diego to have Christmas with cousins & friends. A different kind of Christmas, a break in the gray, & the beach! Also, faces I’m excited to see, stories I’m excited to tell & listen to, food I’m excited to eat, & a hot tub I’m looking forward to sitting in. I’ll have two checked bags & one of them is already sitting here next to me filled with wrapped presents. I’m grateful to be flying with my parents, three adults to one toddler is a great ratio.
Only two pictures, I cannot find my camera! Outtakes from last two Christmas cards:
Love this kid. So grateful for him!
I’m slated to teach a big class New Year’s Eve & I’m thinking of having students set some intentions for 2017. I’ve thought a lot lately about how much more the spiritual things are worth than the just things type of things. But sometimes I think the things that are physical (like a house) have many spiritual & emotional connotations. Give a poor person some shoes when they have none, & I’m sure it will feel like a spiritual experience. I want to define my happiness so many times, but happiness comes on the sly instead, it’s suddenly unexpected & strangely rewarding. It’s something I didn’t ask for but it’s there. It’s a moveable feast, mostly spiritual but sometimes physical. It’s not what I’ve asked for, but what I needed.
Lastly & completely off topic (it’s that sort of post), I’m going to get a lotus flower tattoo in early 2017. Yes.
Wishing/hoping/vibing/dreaming all contented things the rest of this December. May you hold those you love close.