OLD & NEW

H & I had a really good set of holidays this past (past already, gasp) year.  Usually I want to go on big adventures to other states to see my family, which is always amazing too, but this time I really didn’t want to go anywhere.  I wanted to stay home.  My aunt and uncle live close in a nearby town and we had Thanksgiving at their house.  My maternal grandma lives close to us now, so it’s nice to have her in on all of the family get togethers.

My parents were traveling to VA Christmas Eve to NYE so I knew H & I would be on our own.  I asked my same aunt if we could spend the night at her house since my second cousin, aged 7 would be there too.  They could wake up and open presents together.  Everything was great, I even managed to cart my son and my grandma the 45 minutes to their house.  We had a good Christmas Eve meal.  Then H threw up all over, but he managed to sleep through the night.  We opened presents and had a really good time the next morning.  My aunt cooked breakfast, I felt really spoiled.

H threw up again & then I noticed my stomach started feeling a little funny.  It turned out that we had a bad stomach flu (later my grandma, uncle, and cousin got it too, sorry!) and I couldn’t get home fast enough.  I rarely throw up & it really brings back those old drinking days when too much booze would make me vomit.

Luckily I got all of my classes except one covered so H & I actually had a good time (despite the sickness) lounging around, making fires in the fireplace, sitting by the Christmas tree, & putting legos together.  There wasn’t much eating involved excepting saltine crackers.  Those little suckers really do the trick but I never eat them normally!

I felt a little isolated.  I had vowed before that I had to drag he & I to meetings when my parents left in the past, which I did do last Summer, but damn, by 6pm at night my brain & body were toasted.  I was sick & tired, literally & I just couldn’t do it.  It felt really good to get back to the womens meeting last Monday & I’m going to another tonight.  I did manage to muscle ourselves to a Blazers game last Thursday.  H had started (& then retreated from, lol) basketball at the YMCA I work at & they had an amazing deal on Blazers tickets.  I forced it & boy was I glad I did.  So much of it was worth it even though we were both so tired.  I always enjoy watching his reaction once we hit Portland, he loves looking at all of the big buildings, bridges, tall cranes, & other urban cityscape.  We didn’t stay through the game or even the first quarter (!) but we got early entry to watch the players warm up almost court side & then H got to go on the court during the national anthem!  He stood right in front of the players who totally made him look like the tiniest toddler in the whole world.  They were actually really nice to him, a couple of them knelt down & talked to him a little bit!  I’m sure this pleased me way more than anything he got out of it but hopefully he’ll enjoy the story and physical documentation of it someday.

I decided to teach an intentions based class on the 1st of the new year.  It was restorative, a really nice and mellow class to come to & especially if you BELIEVE.

Because it’s hard to believe in your dreams sometimes.  It’s easy to listen to the negative voices in your head.  I wrote some major intentions out.  I’m having a really hard time with just one of them, but am really asking my Higher Power to give me a breakthrough on it.

I decided also to go off of Netflix, social media, & candy for three days (today is day 3) so I could spend some extra time in meditation & also some extra time just listening to myself.  It has been a gratifying but rough experience.  I use food, sugar, social media, & t.v. to quiet the inner voice I have & it’s been startling to face that fear.

It takes a lot of guts to sit in discomfort.  There never seems to be a perfect time for it. It takes guts to dream, set intentions, & then take action towards them.  It was 3 years ago that I made a decision that drastically changed my life, 3 years ago I started this blog with this post where I was debating upon that decision.

So they are out there in the universe & I am here, trusting & relying on my Higher Power as much as I possibly can.  One statement that resonates, there’s always a reason for what I’ve gone through good & bad.

Wishing you the most auspicious of new year’s.

~Namaste.