H & I were making the rounds last week, shopping & purchasing supplies for our mini glamping trip & my upcoming trip to California.
He relentlessly pelted me with entreaties for treats & toys. Whew, he knows how to push my buttons & wait for the right opportunity. I obviously don’t want to get in the habit of always getting him something every time we go to the store. When does a toy or a treat not become special anymore?
Geez, but I get tired of saying no. So we’re at Target, the last stop of our errand running. I’ve held fast, & no extra trinkets have been purchased. We are at the area of the store in between the clothes & the toys. There before me is a rack of cheapie type of toys. The kind of toys that always seem a little disastrous, they never last very long.
There before me was a set of sand shaped jewels. My mind on our planned purchases & trips, I just glanced at the picture. Only $5 & there were a bunch of little jewels & rocks buried inside. Perhaps this would occupy him while I packed! Into the cart it went.
Nope. He needed my help to dig those tiny little buggars, er I mean ONE bugger out. There was only one rock! Shaped like a sugar cube of all things. Wtf? Did I just pay $5 for a brown cube shaped rock!? I was annoyed, but I didn’t pay enough attention to the package. It advertised for just 1 treasure to be dug from the inside.
Off he happily ran, clutching this $5 sugar cube rock. He held it the rest of the day & all the way to bedtime.
Motherhood is a lot like that. You plan, you expect, you scheme, but things often turn out much differently than what you plan for. You say no. You say yes. The unexpected happens. There’s no telling what will happen.
In AA they say, “Expectations are resentments waiting to happen.” I agree with this mostly, but I also think, damn am I allowed to dream up some expectations now & again?
I think I am as long as I can remember that just like that geniously marketed sand covered rock, things might now always be what they seem. My perception isn’t always the best one. I have to remind myself of this & defer to my Higher Power. Easier said than done, but there lies the path of least resistance.
I dropped H off yesterday with his grandparents. I’m at the airport now waiting for a flight to Long Beach, CA. I’m staying. For 9 days. I don’t know what to do with myself already. I see little kids all over & I miss him. I’m also deeply grateful for some alone time. It will be good to have a break from teaching too & take some yoga classes out there.
Wishing all of you out there a strange 5 dollar treasure in whatever form it takes.