Wow, so the last time I wrote a post was last December, which in the blog world isn’t probably too unusual. Life, right? Things shift, life gets busy, small endeavors get crowded out. As much as I don’t want to admit, I’m human, I can only do so much.

Last Summer after the steps were done. Still me, a damaged miracle.Last June. Smiling on the outside & inside?

It’s strange to think about my state of mind last November. It wasn’t good. AA, my sponsor, my HP, yoga, my son, my family all of those things grounding me, pulling me into spiritual health like iron anchors, tethering me to sanity. BUT also dying, shedding skin in such a hot mess kind of way, bloody, sweaty, and as they say in AA, “with my ass falling off.” Fully. I had a long standing metaphorical spiritual wound and it was infected and not pleasant.

I had a new sponsor, I was crying my eyes out in coffee shops every day (looking super adult and dignified 🙄) working the steps in CoDA, Co-Dependents Anonymous a program designed for people who feel controlled and powerless over people. I was also working the AA steps. I was doing this crazy thing on Instagram every day, jumping from downward facing dog like a madwoman trying to land softly into crow pose (google it. Also follow me and check out the documented craziness @shelteryoga). To sum up my recovery at the time I would have to say that I HAD to work, I HAD to progress, I HAD to use all the resources in front of me because I HAD TO CHANGE. I didn’t like myself and as you know because you’re a human too, I couldn’t escape myself.

I just couldn’t be that person I was anymore. I couldn’t react the same. I couldn’t stand to see the world the same. I. Just. Couldn’t. Handle. It. While I believe any recovery program out there has the potency for change I have to say my drug, er, I mean my program of choice would have to be of the 12th step variety. Working the steps in CoDA and meeting with a CoDA sponsor every week scraped that old skin off. Painfully, yeah but it happened. Working with a new sponsor in AA helped a ton too. Having my sponsors support was everything.

Having this guy around helps too 🥰

I had lost touch with my Higher Power again. I had the opportunity to go back to the bare bones spiritual construction site and build a new one. It was painful and very difficult. There was a stifling emptiness. Nothing left to grasp onto. Perhaps the newcomers out there understand.

But I am here now. My life is not perfect. I reach different CoDA bottoms. I get back up and try to do things different. I meet once a week with a CoDA group and can’t describe how calm and happy I feel there. I try to ask myself daily how I feel and answer myself honestly. I also ask how I’m parenting myself. When people make me feel like my life is unmanageable I do my best to surrender. I try to drink lost of water, exercise, eat food. Most of the time the actions of other people don’t make me spin out today. I attend my meetings.

And then I can give. To my son, to the world, to yoga students. In yoga news, yoga work has been the best it’s been. I taught a series of workshops for the first time, have more classes than I ever have had, and have even rented space for the the first time.

It feels good to write here in this space again. Manifesting a deep healing for all of you out there that need it.


Published by Liz Brower

I've practiced yoga since 2006, I stumbled into a class at my local gym. I didn't really "get" yoga, I wanted to do all of the poses to the max, I didn't focus on breathing, and I was very competitive. A year later I quit smoking and my mom purchased a three month unlimited to a local studio. I fell in love with yoga! Plus the metaphor was strong, my lungs began to repair, I could take really deep inhales without coughing! I later began to go to a free outdoor yoga classes in downtown Long Beach, CA that was also affiliated with a donation based studio. Yoga was fun, affordable, accessible, and outside! I loved it. I started practicing at home by myself. I started meditating. Right after I found the classes at the gym stopped drinking alchohol. My sobriety and yoga have intertwined ever since. They compliment each other amazingly and I am so grateful for them both. I stopped practicing yoga after getting pregnant and being caught up with the taking care of a newborn in 2013/2014. When he was 9 months old I realized that I really wanted to redirect myself back to yoga. I also had the seed planted in my mind while driving home from Christmas break, why don't you go do a yoga teacher training?! I started practicing yoga at a local studio and began scouring the internet for a teacher training program. I found Three Sisters Yoga, a lovely program, based out of NY & PDX. I was more than motivated to teach, I started teaching some free yoga in the summer of 2015 at a local park. I continued after that with an internship at the same studio I had signed back up with at the beginning of the year. I quit my day job. I hit the pavement, scouring for yoga gigs that would hire a newbie. I found a job and began to teach! Now I am navigating the great balance of being a single mom, a yoga teacher, and doing my best to trust my higher power with my future. I love to teach and practice vinyasa, but also know what it's like to be drawn to slower types of yoga due to injury or body type. I feel a special affinity for yoga new comers and like to teach practice at all different levels. Thank you for taking time to read a little more about me and I wish all of you the best in your own individual yoga practice. ~Namaste!

4 thoughts on “A YEAR LATER

  1. Girl I can only tell you one thing.. I am so so proud of you! You have come such a long way and you never cease to amaze me. You are one amazing woman and an amazing mom to H. One thing I have always appreciated about you so much is your honesty and your willingness to give. You have got this and I know you will excel, because you are human and you are growing. Hugs!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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