DIFFERENCES OF OPINION

It has become evident that a reduced yoga class load (center where I teach has been closed for 3 weeks) has renewed my own yoga practice.  I’ve been doing yoga on my own (with help of the internet) almost every day.  I’ve found some particularly challenging sequences that have led me to see inversions differently & have renewed my effort with them.

So much so that a couple days ago I kicked a hole in the wall.  Oops.

I was attempting to press up from a wide legged fold into a half head stand (just barely putting pressure on the head for more balance) half shoulder stand.  Something always goes wrong once my legs are all the way up & I lost control.  My heel plunged into the dry wall.

I don’t wait days, weeks, or month to tell the truth anymore.  Telling the truth after a week & coming clean to my sponsor used to be major progress.  For the most part I can be prompt.  I waited till after dinner.  Thank goodness for AA!  It taught me how to have better timing & how not to make everything about me!

Me to my step dad:  So you know how you just filled in the holes & patched up the wall where those light fixtures used to be?

SD:  Nervously replies, Yes…?

Me:  While getting a weird smile/very unpoker type of look on my face, Was it hard?

SD:  Getting wise to the situation now, No, why???

Me:  Explaining current obsession with inversions to two blank faced parents & concluding with, So I kicked a hole in the wall...

They were completely cool about it.  The hole will be repaired eventually, it’s a funny story, & also let’s me know that I should maybe chill the eff out with the handstanding/headstanding/shoulderstanding stuff.

Learn new ways, go slower, scale back a bit.

BALANCE THAT STUFF OUT, right?

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Thinking about kicking up one more time…?

 

My heart was heavy the day after election day.  That statement alone tells you most of what you need to know about my voting preferences, right?  I feel like I am on one side speaking a different language than the other side.  It’s maddening.  I am so sad for so many different reasons.  I cried.  I took a break from Facebook, I had to.  Thoughts still spilled onto my Instagram feed, a public account where I mostly just follow yogis.  Some ranted.  Some said don’t pay any attention.  Some said there’s no point in getting sad.  I had friends cut me off mid-sentence.  I felt very alone.

So strange to get so affected by a election!  New experience for me.  I have always voted Democrat since right before I got sober.  Obama came into office the same year as my sobriety date.  The Big Book (AA’s main piece of literature) speaks of SECURITY as being one thing that really fries our character defects.  I don’t feel secure so I get fearful.  I get fearful so I act out.  When I act out a whole bunch of unnecessary drama unfolds.  This election really brought that up for me.  I freakin love Obama.  He makes me feel safe.

& what’s so obviously polarizing is that he’s not everyone’s cup of tea.  People dislike him.  I have family members & many friends that think very differently from me.  I have had to really let that sink in.  Some of the fundamental beliefs I have aren’t shared by so many other people.  Wouldn’t be scary if we were talking about liking croissants instead of donuts.  We’re talking about way bigger & more important issues.

& I love these people.  There’s the rub.  They are filled with value.  They are good.  I have spent time with them.  I know their hearts.  WE JUST HAVE DIFFERENCES IN OPINION.  There’s much more I could say about the election here, but I question if it’s helpful.

The Big Book says:

The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for alcoholics these things are poison.  Page 66

&

Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation – some fact of my life – unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake.  Page 417

So I’m going to frost AA all over my life like I usually try to do.  I’m not going to try to figure shit out.  I’m going to agree to disagree with those that think/feel differently than me.

I’m going to show respect.

I’m grateful that I feel happy, joyous, & free just for today.  I have yet another yoga audition manana, yikes!  I was telling my parents how I’ve never gotten a gig from an audition, that really stings!  But I’m glad for where I’ve taught this past year, it’s been right where I needed to be.

Ah, wishing/sending so much love out to you all & the whole earth this holiday season.  That those that feel lack will feel very full.

Xo & ~Namaste.

 

WALKING BACK INTO THE LIGHT

Oregon is filthy with pumpkin patches.  They’re everywhere & all the ones that I’ve ever been to will let you roam around for free on the weekdays which is like gold for a mama looking for get-the-heck-outta-the-house activities, especially after potty training.  Run, child.  Run amongst the pumpkins.

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It’s been raining buckets.  The days have been gray & short.  This is usually my favorite time of year, it’s the precursor to even colder weather (yes!) & Thanksgiving & Christmas (yes & yes!).  I used to feel so bad for people who shared in meetings about apprehension & sadness as this time of year rolled around.

I perhaps have more to relate to them this go around, October was a mother trucker.  I glared at the trees exploding gold & the gusty bales of rain crashing against windows.  Most the time I didn’t see Fall, I had tunnel vision.  I couldn’t see the good or the light.

I struggled.

I have a huge deal with imperfection.  It takes me a long time to swallow that pill.  I heard on an AA podcast that there are two sides to a scale that will eff with your spirituality:  Perfectionism & high expectations being on one side (with people, places, & things) & IMPERFECTION & realistic expectations.  This lesson I learn over & over.  Not sure I’ll ever ‘graduate.’

Today the sun came out & shined the hell out of Oregon.  People were commenting on it at yoga class & on FB.

Today I’m okay that my son was going in one direction & me in the exact other.  As he throws food on the floor I started to grumble, as I stoop to pick it up he kicks me in the head.  I make a face & the grumbling turns into laughter.

This is the deal girl, my head says calmly.  It’s gonna be okay.

I meet with my sponsor tonight & I’m looking forward to talking stuff out with her.  My biggest fear right now?  That I won’t be a good mother.  If I was a stranger on the outside looking in I would wonder if I was crazy.  Look at all that love you have for that toddler there, I would tell myself.

But it’s a fear no less.  & it weighs on me heavy.

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Today felt really good.  My expectations of myself & my toddler are back to being right sized.

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I will take things day by day, it doesn’t just apply to drinking.  I will be easier on myself.

Yoga is going really well, I taught a ‘glowga’ class last night.  All the regulars showed up & we had so much fun painting glow paint on & selecting glow bracelets.  If I do it again I will make it darker with more black lights….Ech, sounds like perfectionism again, eh?  It was imperfectly perfect last night.  That’s what I meant to say. 😉

I’m taking some extra time off as the center where I teach is closed for most of November.  I’ll teach, but my classes are down to half.  I’ve received a couple leads for gigs, but I don’t feel the pressure I felt before.  I feel more of a peace when I teach too, like it’s up to the individual yoga student to grow in their practice, not just up to me.  Very freeing.  I’m happy where I am yoga-wise & it feels good to be there.

These are the patches we’ve visited so far & above in the pictures:

Lee Farms

Fir Point Farms

Ryser’s Farm

Wishing you all a CONTENTED Fall season leading into Winter.  Sending out much love.

~Namaste.

 

 

GETTING HIT

“Life keeps throwing me curve balls and I don’t even own a bat. At least my dodging skills are improving.”

~Jayleigh Cape

I want to start this post out with saying (as it has already been said) that I definitely have problems in areas I never dreamed of before, my life is an absolute gift, & I experience being happy, joyous, & free on a regular basis.  This was NOT my experience 9 years ago.  My life was the exact opposite, I cringed thinking of the moment that I would wake each day, that feeling of absolute rock bottomness I experienced on a daily basis from the time I woke until I got that alcohol down my throat, & then oblivion to only have it start all over again.

I am so very, very grateful.  I know I still have areas to improve in my character, in my career, as a mother, daughter, friend, & sister.  But I also feel very much ENOUGH without having to put anything in my body to have that feeling.

Having that all said, I will say now that the past month has been very challenging, mid-September until now.  We moved, & various situations snowballed into an avalanche of bad feelings & stress.  Everything that was supposed to be in a certain place was lost.  It took a couple weeks to find stuff.  I’m talking about human wits here too, not just possessions.  I went to meetings & spoke about it.  I asked friends to watch H so I could go to meetings.  I even tried a meeting with child care.  I started reading pages 60-63 & 86-88 each morning just like I did when I first got sober.  Things slowly began to get better.  I felt a new normal.

THEN, I decided it was time to potty train H.  Oh, holy hell is all I can say!  Also: it’s really hard!  I beefed up my meetings the week prior because I was going to do this & my parents were going to be out of town.  This was good as less distraction for the potty training, but bad as less human interaction for the mama.

Lots ‘o’ tears friends.  Lots ‘o’ tears.

We are ‘getting it’ slowly.  The thing I hate more than almost anything (have to throw an almost in there just in case!) is seeing my son feel anxious & sad.  ACK, it kills me!  He just wants his freakin diaper back so things can go back to normal.  It’s really hard to see him so confused.  But like I said, each day we are getting better at this.

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And he is so resilient.  He & I will be okay.  There will one day be a new normal where we both potty in porcelain thrones without tears or regrets.  I realized too throughout this process that one of my biggest fears is to do something that will directly hurt my son.  So when he cries if I ask him to tell me if he has to go potty, my fear intensifies his seeming discomfort.  I can’t take all the bad out of life for him.  I can’t take discomfort away from him.  Sometimes we need discomfort (pee in underwear, yucky!) to CHANGE.

I’d again appreciate any prayers/good vibes.  This too shall pass, I know.

~Namaste

BYE & HELLO

As I type, a mere 10 days away from Fall, & less than a week away from moving to our new house.  I moved here 9 months pregnant.  Two & a half years later, this is the only home H has ever known.  I bustle him in the stroller & take in all of the small joys (a swarm of parks, sunny streets, farmers market in our backyard, & other mamas & dads with their own sweet babes in strollers) of our neighborhood, letting the goodness of this place soak into remembrance.

Walk Mama!  H says.  We walk on foot, in the stroller, or in a new wagon my step-dad purchased recently.

He is saying a lot of things these days.  2 & a half is my new favorite age.  He’s still in full tantrum mode, but he’s so darn interactive these days.  He parrots everything we say.  He surprises me with his reactions to things.

We purchased a strange mechanical dinosaur at a garage sale.

What do you want to name it? 

Cracker, he instantly responded.  He changed it to Cracker Blue later, a homage to his love of crackers & the color blue.  Of course.

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Our home has vacant gaps.  Stuff put on Craigslist or sold at our own yard sale have left us forever.

Wook, Mama!  He cries, pointing at the large bald piece of wood floor where the dining room set used to stand (‘Wook’ if you haven’t guessed is ‘look’).

He doesn’t get it & it freaks him out, but only slightly.  He’s still happy.  He still plays, eats, snuggles, & naps just like always.

He is scared of bees & flies, but wants to hold lady bugs & rollie pollies in his hands.  He spends long stretches of time with his diggers, trucks, & cars, moving dirt & gravel around.

He’s started to pretend & play act which for some reason really melts my heart.

Papa fall!  No, Papa, no fall!  He says at the kitchen counter the salt shaker taking papa’s place for the time being in his intricate little mind.

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He will lightly rest his hand on my cheek at bedtime right before he falls asleep.

Mama? 

Yea, sweet pea?

No answer, he just wants to know I’m there I guess.

So we say bye to this place at the end of the week, a lovely new family is moving in, I know they will love it as much as I did.

In yoga news, I’ve been teaching the Niyamas & they are kicking my booty.  Two weeks ago, Santosha/Contentment something I always need more of.  Putting forth my best effort & then being in ACCEPTANCE of the result.

Last week, Saucha/Purity which really threw me for a loop.  I probably shouldn’t have made goals to drop sugar, Netflix, & Facebook in order to strive for the pure the week while we were packing & getting ready  for a yard sale.  I relapsed on all those which bummed me out at first, but then I had a revelation during class:  We are all born pure.  We have this unique to ourselves pure energy.  We do have to guard it, what we put inside ourselves & who we associate with.  These ideas helped me get out of the legalistic place I had put myself in.  It’s easy to get all religious with the Niyamas.  I would rather get all spiritual with them.  I wonder if my students think I’ve lost my mind since I usually have just taught on alignment or to specific parts of the body for one class.

I heard a stand up comedian say on NPR that you have to risk trying out new material & bombing it.  That’s where the real gold comes forth.  So we’ll see.

Send us good vibes if you think of it as we make this transition.

Vibes of contentment, purity, & bravery to all of you.

~Namaste

BURN, BABY, BURN

What a title, eh?  My new years resolution was to have a good attitude about Summer, & lately that ideal has been melted, err, I mean tested.

I pulled out of Sherwood last week, right after yoga class, & hesitated too long at a stop sign, Go bitch!  A man in the convertible car behind me yelled.  Ow, dude, I thought, you could have been nicer. 

My air conditioner broke in my car.  We’ve been having (up till a couple weeks ago) an unseasonable cool Summer.  I ever thought about waiting till next Summer to have my air conditioner fixed.  Oh, holy hell was that a BAD idea.  I noticed it was going to be in the 90’s where we were camping last week.  I called & asked my local repair shop if they could check my car same day (which, yes I know is a pretty unreasonable request).  No we are full, she replied curtly.  Ok, thanks, I replied.  She hung up without replying.

So I burned all the way there.

Which wasn’t too bad because it wasn’t very far away.  It’s all not really that bad in the long run.  It’s just how to respond to life when it gets too hot to handle.  The idea of spirituality was brought up in the women’s meeting I go to.  I feel really spiritual, I shared, very happy & full of light until I go outside my front door!  Losing patience with your loved ones, cursing at vehicles on the freeway, or chafing in 100 degree weather.  We all burn too brightly at times.

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Opal Creek.

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We camped at Fishermans Bend by Mill City.  We were at a group site adjacent to a playground, a basketball court, & a small walk to the river.  We hiked up to Opal Creek.  Hand’s down, one of the most magical places I’ve ever been to.  If you’re brave enough to take a dip in the 20 degree water you may have a spiritual experience like I did.  Ice cold water from the neck down while pine infused hot air blew in my face.  It was great.

I guess we all need some cooling off these days.  I’m ever grateful for a gratitude email I’m a part of.  I thought it was high time for a mid-Summer gratitude list here:

1.)  Opal Creek in the Summer time.

2.)  Summer pink sunsets on the Willamette River.

3.)  Getting my air conditioning fixed.

4.)  The smells of people cooking in the early evening.

5.)  Popsicles.

6.)  Summer road trips.

7.)  Staying home.

8.)  Sun-kissed skin.

9.)  My son’s smile as he splashed in the River.

10.)  S’mores.

11.)  I noticed the other day, my shorts pile has tripled!  I do not love wearing shorts, so this is saying a lot for this Winter loving lady.

So there it is.  Burning at times, but learning how to live symbiotically with it.  Praying/hoping/wishing you are all staying cool out there.

~Namaste.

 

 

 

BACK AROUND AGAIN

Geez, the theme this Summer has been HOME.  Like where I’ve lived & where I’ve grown roots.  It started subtly in the Spring with a quick trip back to Long Beach, CA & crescendoed into my 20th high school reunion last Saturday.  Something I heard people in my class say many times?  I was so nervous about this.  Hell yeah, right?  It reassured me to hear that.  We are all vulnerable at times, & that’s okay.

We’re all in this together.

I was a wallflower in high school, scared, & timid.  I was sure no one would remember me.  I asked my cousin who still lives in the area if she would be my plus one, grateful for her familiar presence.  I remember you, some said, or hi Elisabeth!  It felt good to be remembered.  It felt good to touch base with so many people.  Where do you live?  What do you do?  How many kids do you have?  Really?  How old?  I remember chafing at such surfacey conversational stuff before, but now it doesn’t bother me.  How nice it is to be cliche & be okay with it most of the time.  The reunion itself had this crazy fun festival vibe.  Not stuffy or boring at all.  Outdoor games, a food truck, seriously decent dj’s, & it was held in a rustic bar in the old elks lodge.

Some people I went to junior high were there too, this school was located way out in the country.  People I just lost in high school, along with myself.  Remember when we kissed by the tires & then made flower necklaces together?  Some of these kids went to the high school in a different town since our grade school was in between them both.  I got to go eat breakfast with one of these the day after the reunion.  On H & I’s trip to Idaho at the beginning of July I got to eat breakfast with another who just randomly happened to live the next town over from my Aunt.  She got tears in her eyes during breakfast while H played with the jam container under the table.  Another, at the elks club bar made eye contact with me as I signed & mouthed, water to her.  I was just saying I was trying to get some water.  She had the bartender’s ear already & got some for me herself.  The soft kindness given by an old friend.

Back around again.

No pictures of Red Bluff, Los Molinos, or Dairyville, places where I grew up.  Some day I’ll have to go back & get some.  Pics below from trips to Kennewick, WA:

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Chain embedded in the ground, & yes we spend much time there while he tried to pull it out.

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Emmett, ID:

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This one actually is by Baker City.

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Gave this guy like 6 baths in 2 days time.
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My Aunt the chicken whisperer.

Lazy Bend Campground near Estacada, OR (which I highly recommend):

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No justice to how adorable this puppy is in person.

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At a local restaurant in Estacada.

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& Klamath Falls, OR:

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California.

I’m still itching at the like 20 some mosquito bites I got in Klamath.  The camp was near the water & mosquitos constantly swarmed me.  I left the rain cover off at night to be cooler & so I could see the stars.  I was paranoid then, I couldn’t shake this feeling like someone was watching me.  I also forgot my pillow.  I didn’t fall asleep till 1 or 2.  The next night, the night of the reunion my cousin & I drifted into our motel room beds at 3am.  It felt so amazingly good to get a good night’s sleep last night.

It felt so amazingly good to dance in an old elk’s club bar at 2am completely sober, too.

I’m happy for all the Summer experiences, I’m also happy for Summer itself which was my New Year’s resolution this year, to have a better attitude about Summer.  The junior high friend who got me the water & I were talking about that at the reunion.  She has to do that about Winter.  Today I read in the Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie about GRATITUDE:

It can turn a meal into a feast.

Wishing you all a spiritual feast in whatever you need most of, right now.

~Namaste.

WHERE YOU FIND SHELTER

This is a weird post for me because I have some great pictures of H & I’s last trip to WA & ID, but then I was looking for a photo for my mom, an old photo, & all these other pictures were on the same disk & I had been thinking lately about this place:

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My huge room.  It also had an attached huge bathroom.  Blurry pic, but not sure if I have any other ones.  My room mate gave me & installed that chandelier.

It was the best place I have ever lived.  It was on the corner of 4th street & Redondo, above an old Italian restaurant & a new trendy barbershop.  My room mate & I would walk the dog, peeking into the barbershop windows at the cute barbers & their customers.

The street was quite busy & loud & we were also very close to the local fire department.  It was Long Beach after all so the fire truck blaring down the street was an almost daily occasion.  The apartment had double paned windows so it was eerily quiet (despite fire truck) even though so much action was going on below.

So why was I thinking about this place?  I was so happy here & I also remember how much effing leisure time I had.  I used to take 3 hour baths.  Now I’m lucky if I can squeeze in a 10 minute shower.

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I had this exact wall cork board configuration at my apartment, took a picture so someday I can recreate. 

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7th & Redondo, after Blockbuster & before pet store.  Not sure what’s there now!
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MISFIT
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BETSY
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HENDRIX
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My regal Misfit in a rare moment of repose.

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Myself & an old bf?

And my three cats above, Hendrix, Betsy (brother & sister), & later came Misfit.  Why, oh why 3 cats you ask?  Well, there was a huge feral cat population on the waterfront where I worked & a pregnant calico found me one day out in the smoke break area.  I took her home & she had 4 babies.  I partnered with a place to adopt them out & after those 5 cats were gone my apartment felt a bit empty.  I know, you’re thinking crazy cat lady.

It’s true, I was.  I had to find homes for those little loves when I made the decision to move up to OR with my parents.  And not too long ago my Hendrix passed away.  His owner fed him delicacies in his decline & buried him at a relative’s farm.

I’m perhaps so retrospective because we are going to move again.  More space, a bigger back yard for H, it will be a good thing.  Not surprisingly I feel sad, I am attached to this place & our little community.  H was a newborn here.  He crawled & walked here.  I have other mama friends.

So I’ll process it slowly & probably get attached to the new place soon too, that is how it goes.

Sending love & light to all of you & the world today.

~Namaste.

SANDY HIGHS & LOWS

Do you notice how sand has a way of getting into everything?  I am irritated & pleased with it, leftover sand in my shoes weeks after a beach trip makes me smile.  It also scratches floors, is hard to get rid of, & makes my son rub his eyes in frustration.

I took H camping a couple of weeks ago to Nehalem Bay.  It’s a great place, a short walk from a very beautiful beach, standard camp sites with a picnic table, faucet, hook up, & fire pit.  When people asked me about how it went I answered, there were highs & lows.  I think I’ll wait another year before trying it again!

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NOPE, MAMA.  I AIN’T MOVING.

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YES, I DROPPED MY CAMERA & SAVED HIS BURNING MARSH MELLOW!

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I have a friend who has five kids, whom I’ve shared about those highs & lows with.  She says, they are just doing their job.  Your job is to point them towards right instead of wrong.

I had a dream a couple of nights ago that H kept going missing.  I would walk with him & then he would be gone.  I would retrace my steps, searching for him everywhere & frantically.  I would find him & the whole thing would happen again.  It was one of those unpleasant dreams you wake yourself up from.  Those in the middle of the night moments of terror when your mind is most likely to play false tricks.

Some highs & lows:

High:  Waking up with my son’s blue eyes peeping at me in wonder when we woke up in the tent.

Low:  We woke at 6am to birds screeching.

High:  Train ride!

Low:  Train ride at nap time!

High:  S’mores.

Low:  Child picks chocolate out of s’more to eat & then yells/cries about sticky marsh mellow all over hands.

High:  Running through the ocean with glee, not wanting to stop when with parents.

Low:  Refuses to have anything to do with water while with Mama only.

High:  Not being in a controlled environment.

Low:  Not being in a controlled environment.

But what is life without these highs & lows?  Wouldn’t it be boring if he did exactly what I wanted him to all the time?  And my reaction is parallel to how much I am in acceptance in that moment.  I find myself constantly praying to be a better mother, to make the right decisions when I’m with him.  I wonder if he’ll remember this one night flurry of a camping trip when he is older.  Aren’t many Summer trips filled with such a juxtaposition of rampant emotions?

We cut our trip a day short because it was supposed to rain.  I wasn’t about to deal with that presumed low.  It worked out, we ended up going to Cannon Beach on our way home & spent the day with my parents & H’s cousins.

We head out to Idaho next week, thankfully to indoor sleeping spaces to visit with my aunt & uncle.  I know there will be highs & lows & I look forward to them.

Summer 2016 is starting out on the right foot.  I am grateful for all that it has been so far in the past couple weeks.   Wishing/praying/hoping that you will be provided much grace for whichever elevation you are walking upon in this present moment.

Namaste~

 

RAINBOW WEATHER

My son likes to ‘talk’ about rainbows often.  He signs rainbow, spreading his chunky toddler hand out in the shape of a rainbow & pointing up at the sky.  You have to wait for one, I say, but of course he doesn’t understand that.  The sky here in Oregon is an ever changing landscape in June.  In SoCal I grew very used to the vast, unchanging blue bowl of a sky.  Outdoor plans are always okay.  No rain gear needed, hardly, or whatsoever.  Here, however it could be hailing one stretch of minutes & sunny shortly after.  Rain, hail, cloud cover, bright sun, just wait & it will change.  It is rainbow weather out here.

I was sweating it, last Saturday I had two outdoor yoga events to attend, both at which I was teaching at.  My phone forecast had been rain all week.  The morning was cool & gray.  We practiced on a slab of pavement to avoid the wet ground.  The weather was actually perfect as our bodies warmed up during flow.  A couple hours later thunderstorms erupted.  The afternoon event was something made up of unicorns & sunbeams, (literal sunbeams, figurative unicorns) the sun shining hot & bright while the rain came down somewhere in between a mist & a sprinkle.

Rainbow weather.

Those times you believe anything is possible.  How often, I think, do I usually believe the opposite?  Fear steps in before belief can take root.  My 2016 resolution/intention was to have a good Summer, to be more positive about it, to see the glass half Summer full.  Knowing I was going to teach at a Summer Solstice event I wrote a Solstice flow.  All week long I taught a particular set of asanas & also alluded to the intangible.  Breathe in & let the golden Summer sun grow bright at your center.  Exhale & let that mystical light spread out all around you.  Send some to those that need it most.  What door do you want to open this Summer?  What path do you want to walk down?

These musings had an effect on me also.  What am I holding onto?  What am I not letting in that should be let in?  How can I let go of fear & open my heart up wider?  My defense mechanisms rise up & clamp down before I even know what’s going on most times.  Last night I shared, when I was afraid of doing something I found much relief in praying that my HP give me the strength to walk through it.  Afterwards, driving home I thought, Damn girl, you just gave yourself your answer.  I found my door.  I found my switchback.

Rainbow weather.  Anything is possible.

In mama news, H & I are stepping on each others toes.  He would prefer to be rocked to bed for an hour & said bed time being at 10pm.  He would also prefer to only eat crackers.  Cracka, he pleads.   Cracka?  Of all that is holy child, please eat something with some nutrition in it!  I’ve been praying much.  I want to dance smoothly with him once more.  We embark on a camping adventure tomorrow.  I will be looking for rainbows to point out to him.  I will say yes more than I will say no.

Pictures below, we visited Antique Powerland, which was not the you-can-climb-all-over the-beloved-old-vehicles as H wished it to be.  Luckily for H my step-dad is a bit of a rebel & did sneak him on quite a few.

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HMMM…WHERE DO I START…

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C’MON PAPA!  HELP ME UP ON THESE THINGS!

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SO MANY TRACTORS, SO LITTLE TIME.

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Ahhh, unicorns, golden light, & Summer Solstice blessings to you all.  Peace & love to all hurt recently & so much more than that multiplied by infinity.

~Namaste

 

 

 

GRACE OR GRIND

Little guy & I took a quick road trip to the ocean a couple of weeks ago.  I had been planning on hitting the Oregon Coast Aquarium in Newport later during our June trip, but I got crazy cabin fever suddenly so we just took off.  I grabbed toothbrushes & pajamas for him just in case.  He was more into the digger outside than the actual aquarium.  We left after I got tired of saying, Look at the fish, over & over again.  He knows what he’s into & I have to respect that.

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JUST POINT ME TOWARDS THE DIGGERS.

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And to his amazement the city of Newport happened to be doing some construction at the foot of the hotel we were staying at (you may be able to barely make out the construction site in the picture right below).  Who needs to look at the ocean when there are excavators to view???

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Staying beach side is the way to go, especially if one is in care of a toddler.  Much easier than getting in the car & schlepping to the beach.  The next day we drove North through Tillamook to Rockaway Beach, destination of a train ride we will take in a couple of weeks.  Train station below, yes he was all over it.

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I AM CURRENTLY OBSESSED WITH ANYTHING THAT HAS A STEERING WHEEL.

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ROCKAWAY BEACH

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I WILL CLUTCH CARS, TRAINS, & TRUCKS ON EVERY OCCASION TO BE STRIPPED FROM ME ONLY WHEN I SLEEP!

The weather on the drive up the coast was mystical, sunny perfect weather, I felt like I was in the center of a perfect blue diamond looking out.  I canceled our hotel for the June trip & booked a camping spot walking distance to the beach.  I’m looking forward to it, but also placed an order for a portable dvd player, Curious George on my side to help in a pinch or while I build a fire.

I believe that both AA & yoga are a sort of oral tradition.  You can read about both, you can YouTube yoga videos, but most of the stuff said in meetings & in yoga class is parroted by people who heard it from their friends & sponsors who heard it from their friends & sponsors all the way back & up (& new stuff made up along the way!).  I’ve heard so many good things in meetings that have blown me away.  Those tools that come in handy at the tightest of moments.  I also hear amazing cues in class.  Last week:  Rest your right footprint down on the mat.  Footprint.  Ah, I loved that cue.  Anyone hearing that cue would get it.

Back in Long Beach a woman said her sponsor told her, grace or grind.  You can be led to do the right thing the hard way or the easy way, it’s your choice.  True, many times I bumble around wondering, why is this so hard?  Until I get it.  Other times I know the right thing & I choose the wrong thing on purpose.  I suffer.  I pick back up & start over again.  H is at an age where he knows what he wants (diggers, mama not fish), but many times I find myself pointing at another child saying, see how much fun she has swimming?  Don’t you want to swim like her?  Finding myself forcing him into situations he’s not into.  I’m grateful for the awareness of this.

Grace or grind.

Doesn’t he have his whole life ahead of him to embrace swimming & fish?  Grace comes when I let him choose his own path.  I’m sure I will have moments still of trying to engage him in an unwanted task, isn’t that one of the golden burdens of parenthood?  Wanting your children to experience life & sometimes forgetting to just let them be.

Life is good today.  I’ve subbed for other teachers in the past week & have other classes lined up to sub this Summer.  The first Free Yoga on the Green was today, woo-hoo a bunch of people showed up!  I love being able to facilitate a outdoor space to practice yoga!  That was such a big part of my practice, I hope many people can find the peace I found in it.  I’m grateful for AA & the years I have spent being sober one day at a time.  I would have no good thing in my life if for that.

Wishing/vibing graceful actions & thoughts to you all out there.

Xo & Namaste~

 

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